I see a lot of lists these days of what NOT to say to a pregnant lady. (known from here on as a "PL") After reading said lists, I usually come away with, "Is there anything left to say? Should I just avoid PLs all together?" Well, about 9 months ago, I was a PL and I definitely didn't want people to avoid me. So to counteract the negativity, I tried to remember what people said to me that I appreciated while I was pregnant and put it into a handy list for everyone to use!
Before I start, there are three rules that apply when saying anything to a PL.
Rule One - Be sincere! PLs have a super keen BS detector. They can tell when your, "You look great!" comment was not quite heartfelt and it will make them feel worse rather than better.
Rule Two - If you don't have anything positive to say about her pregnancy, then talk about something else. Remember what your mother (I hope) taught you. If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. PLs don't need any negativity in their lives.
Rule Three - Let her demeanor be your guide. If she's responding with short answers and not really looking you in the eye, then leave her be and come back another time.
With those rules in mind, here is my list of what to say to a PL.
1. What are you most excited about?
This question helped me remember what I was looking forward to when pregnancy was getting me down. And believe me, pregnancy can bring down the most cheerful of ladies. I appreciated when people helped me focus on the positive. I remember being excited about seeing my baby face to face for the first time and holding my beautiful little girl in my arms. And yes, both were just as great as I was expecting.
2. Is there anything else you need?
Be ready to follow through with whatever the answer may be. All PLs have a couple of things they would still like to have before the baby comes along. If it's too expensive for you, ask if you can contribute to it or maybe you can go in together for whatever it is with some co-workers or friends. Don't feel like you have to ask this question, it's just something nice to do, if you feel inclined. I was showered with kindness even after all my baby showers were over. It was such a blessing.
3. What's your favorite part about being pregnant?
Ladies, I know, it can hard to find something positive about being pregnant sometimes, but there are a few perks! My favorite was feeling and watching my baby kick. Taking bump pictures was also really fun.
4. You look beautiful!
This said with sincerity makes a PL feel awesome!
5. Do you have any names picked out?
This one might just be me, but I loved talking about potential names for my baby.
6. What is your due date/how far along are you?
Even though it was probably the question I was asked the most, I never got tired of it. Each time I was asked it was a little closer to that due date.
7. Looks like baby is growing well!
This is a great alternative for, "You look so big!" because it reminds PLs there is a reason they're getting bigger and that reason is the baby is growing and that's a good thing!
8. Is there something I can do to help after the baby is born?
I had my mom living in the same town when my daughter was born and she was a huge help! For those without a mom in the same town, it would be really nice to have someone to help out. Labor really takes it out of you! The first two weeks after birth are especially tough. Offering to bring a meal, clean the house, go to the store or do some laundry is a huge blessing!
9. What is the first thing you are want to eat once the baby is born?
Maybe I'm the only one who liked dreaming of the food I could eat once my daughter was born. So much so that I even enjoyed talking about it. I reallly missed sandwiches... (PLs are advised not to eat lunch meat) I would always say that I would get an Italian sub from Quiznos as soon as she was born! Unfortunately, there wasn't a Quiznos near the hospital I gave birth at. So an original sandwich from Schlotzskys was the second best thing. It was delightful.
10. Anything unrelated to pregnancy and babies.
Sometimes PLs need a break from all the pregnancy talk and just want to chat about what new movies are out or what happened on Dancing with the Stars last week. Forgetting you're pregnant for a moment can feel like a little vacation.
This is not a fail proof list. Sometimes anything you say will irritate a PL. But don't be discouraged, just give her a little grace. She'll be better in a little while and will probably end up saying sorry. (I know I had to a few times.)
Now I can't resist sharing my top three least favorite things people said or asked me while I was a PL.
1. How are you feeling?
You can bet you are probably the 10th person to ask me that today and everyday. Most of the time I wanted to respond, "I feel like crap, thanks for reminding me..." But I never did, I pretty much stuck with, "Ok" or "Eh".
2. Are you ready?
It's pointless to ask this question. You are never ready and that's ok. Babies change everything and in ways you can't understand until you are a parent. It's hard and so wonderful at the same time. I remember in one of my baby shower cards, one of my co-workers wrote, "Your life is about to get 100 times more complicated, but 1000 times more wonderful!" They were right!
3. You look so big today!
No... Just no.
Every PL's top three will probably be different but these were mine. So for future reference my friends, those are not my favorite. That said, I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to anyone I was short with or rude to while I was pregnant. I'm sorry and I will hopefully be better next time, since I have more experience handling pregnancy emotions.
A quick note to PLs, don't let pregnancy be your excuse to be rude or crabby. Strive to be positive and cheerful. Believe me it feels a lot better than complaining and throwing pity parties! If someone is rubbing you the wrong way give them some grace and remember you are just really sensitive right now and that's not their fault.
Finally, be nice to pregnant ladies. Being pregnant is no walk in the park and we all need a little help focusing on the beautiful baby we will get to see soon!
What about you? Do you agree with my list or did some of these things irritate you rather than make you happy? What are some of your favorite things people asked or said to you while you were pregnant?
James 1:2-4
My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have it's perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.
Ephesians 4:15, 29
But speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all things into Him who is the head -Christ.
Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.
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