Baby #4!!! Weeks 5-15

Here we go, we're starting this journey once again! And more than likely for the last time. Once Sam and I decided we wanted another baby we also decided we were pretty much ready to move on from the baby stage of life. Does this mean we are saying never? Not really. But God would have to REALLY change our minds. Seriously, after about 6 years of either being pregnant or nursing I'm feeling ready to be done after this one. A lot of my motivation through the first trimester has been, "I can do this one more time! Just once more!" Also, adoption is never really out of the picture for us. God would need to guide us in it in his timing though. But as for having any more of our own biological children, let's just say we're not planning on it.

I've had the question, "What happened to trusting God with having kids?" I'm not sure I even had the right response at the time. First off we were never the "No matter what happens, we'll let God decide how many kids and when!" kind of people. We were the "God is showing us that we need to trust him right now and we need to be obedient." kind of people. That's how we felt when we got pregnant with Jane. At the same time we believe he gives us common sense and he gives us our feelings for a reason too. We just have to line that up with His Word and pray and make sure we're in alignment with His Will. We've always taken things one baby at a time. I don't think it's a coincidence that Sam and I both decided 4 was good for us at the same time without either of us trying to convince the other. I really didn't have a number in mind before and neither did he. It's hard to explain, but it feels right for us. Here are some of our reasons. (Sam says I don't need to explain myself to anyone, but I tell him I like to! It helps my own mind) ;) 1. We are very strict about who watches and helps us with our kids. I feel like 4 is all we can handle without drastically changing how we feel about that. 2. It feels important to me for the whole family to be able to do things together and everyone to enjoy it(for the most part). I feel like if we have kids more spread apart than 5ish years then it's going to get a lot harder to do things together that everyone will enjoy. 3. We have a smallish 1400 sq ft 3 bedroom 2 bathroom house. We do not have the funds to afford anything bigger than we have right now. (Plus I love it and I don't want to move) I think 4 kids is all we can comfortably fit in our house. Basically using our feeling and reasoning skills God has given us and without feeling like we are disobeying or not trusting God, we are at capacity for our family, emotional, mentally, physically, and financially. That is why I never say never. Because God can change all of that if He so chooses!

We don't pretend to know what's best for everyone and we don't assume we know exactly what God's Will is all the time. I think small and big families are equally great. There's a reason God calls it a Lamp unto our path. It's a small amount of light that is just enough to let us know what to do right then, not for years in the future. I think things can get really dangerous when you are unable to let God change your mind. We try to let Him guide us day by day and be open to admitting we were wrong or at the least, a little off. ;)

Now with the first question of "Is this your last one?" out of the way, I'll get on with the rest of the story. First off I got back to baby making ability faster than I normally do. When Xan was about 9 months old she was eating table foods really well and sleeping pretty well too. So as a result I got my monthly cycle back right around then too. Sam and I decided we weren't quite ready to go through pregnancy again so soon. So we decided to prevent for the first time since before Jane. A couple of months went by and my cycle was pretty irregular and hard to chart. I started to feel like I was ready to have another baby in the middle of February. I knew Sam wasn't feeling that way quite yet. One night I felt compelled to pray that God would either change my mind or his. Within the week Sam said he was fine with having another one now since it would probably be our last one and it sounded good to be done with the baby stage sooner rather than later! God is amazing. I felt the same way. It only took one month and I was pregnant. I feel like God really made it clear that He had a hand in picking when this baby is going to be born. So that's pretty cool.

I'm going to have 4 children! Oh my goodness!! 7ish weeks.

At the beginning of April I started to suspect baby #4 was already on the way. I started feeling extra hungry, a little more tired than usual and acting kinda snappy. I decided I would wait until after Alexandria's 1st Birthday before I took a test so I could really focus on her and not be distracted with the next baby yet. The day after her birthday I took a test in the morning and it was very inconclusive. A super light pregnant line, almost non-existent really. I was pretty sure I was pregnant without a clear positive though. I took another test a couple days later just to be sure and sure enough it was a clear positive this time. Even with number 4, I still got a little jittery waiting those two minutes.

I was waiting for a good time to tell Sam that night and then he made a point to come over and tell me how especially good I looked that evening while I was doing the laundry and I replied, "Well, maybe it's that pregnancy glow starting already." Unfazed he mumbled, "I dunno." I laughed and said, "You probably already figured it out already, but #4 is on the way." He responded with "Yeah, I'd have to be stupid to think otherwise. I'm not surprised, so I'm going to go back and play my game some more, ok?" I said, "Sure!" Haha, by your 4th baby it just doesn't slow you down. It's not as if it's not special anymore. But it's like, "Oh! that's cool!" then the business of life drives you forward. I mean with three other little kiddos, there's a lot to keep up with. Plus Sam and I always wait until the first ultrasound when you can see the baby and the heartbeat to get real excited.

Tiny baby!

At the end of April I went in for my first prenatal appointment. I use my wonderful midwife, Sallie Witte, for my pregnancies, but I like to go to a doctor for the first one and get an ultrasound and make sure the baby is in the right place and their heart is beating well. I get them to order my blood work right then too so I can get that out of the way. I would have liked to have gone to the doctor I used when I was pregnant with Alexandria, but she moved downtown and I didn't want to go downtown for the appointment. I went to the same practice she was at before hoping I would like the other doctor there. Unfortunately I did not. She wasn't as bad as the doctor I saw with Atlas, but not too much better. I loved the nurse that did my blood pressure and other tests before the doctor saw me. I thought "Can she be my doctor??" The doctor had me sit in her office to chat with her before we did the ultrasound. I told her my dates might be off with this one since I was still nursing and I wasn't feeling bad yet which was a bit unusual for me at 8 weeks. I told her I felt like I was probably 6 or 7 weeks actually. We talked about my previous pregnancies and what happened with them. It's kinda funny because once you've had two super uneventful home deliveries with healthy babies and good recoveries, it's really hard for them to tell you you're crazy for choosing that route. She asked me, "Ok, How many times do you think you'll come here for appointments?" I told her this was the only one I was planning on. She seemed a little put off by that. I shrugged it off and we went to do my ultrasound.

She elected to do it vaginally, I assumed because I told her I probably wasn't as far along as I was thinking. She looked around for a little bit with the screen pointed towards her so I couldn't see, then finally turned it towards me and said, "I definitely see a pregnancy." It was painfully obvious that she was being very careful to not say the word baby when referring to MY BABY. I hate how some doctors do that. She continued with, "It's really tiny. You're only measuring 6 1/2 weeks." I was thought to myself, uh, duh, I told you that it was probably more like that. My original due date was 12/5/19 and the ultrasound moved it to 12/16/19. Then she tried to measure the heartbeat, but it was so small she couldn't get a reading from the machine. (Honestly, she's barely older than me and I think it was because she doesn't have much experience that she couldn't get a reading) She pointed the heartbeat out on the screen, it was easy to see. I watched that little heart beat with joy in my eyes.  She said that the heartbeat seemed slow and since the dates were off she wanted to see me again in 2 weeks and do another ultrasound and she said and she was going to wait to order the blood work until then. I was like, "Ok...?" So I made the appointment and already knew I was going to cancel it later. I did some research and found that 6 week old babies in the womb have slower heartrate than 8 weeks olds. I remembered when I saw it beating myself it looked just right for 90-110 range. It moves up to 120-170 at 8 weeks. I just didn't trust the lady and really felt like she was just trying to get more money out of me since I told her if everything was well it would be my only appointment with her. I just decided to trust God with this baby. If something was wrong I was probably going to have a miscarriage and I was going to trust God to get me through it if that did happen. But the heartbeat looked strong to me and I felt pretty confident my tiny baby was going to be ok. I made an appointment with Sallie for 4 weeks later.

We told the kids as soon as Sam got home from work that evening after my ultrasound. I put the ultrasound picture in an envelope and told them it was clue to a surprise they had to wait until Christmastime to have, but they could know what it is now. They were excited already, Atlas especially, he said, "Is it a robot??" Jane opened the envelope and looked at the picture with some confusion. I asked her what it was and she said she didn't know. Atlas said, "It's a pizza!!" Haha! Then Jane said it's a picture like from my baby book. She thought some more and said, "What's it going to be??" Still not really getting it. Atlas was running around patting on Xan. I finally got his attention and said we're going to have a new baby! He replied, "WE'RE GOING TO HAVE A NEW BABY?? WHAT? WOOO!" Jane jittered excitedly and had a huge smile on her face! It was so much fun to tell them and I'm so glad I caught it on video.

My mom's face when she found out about baby #4!

This time around I really wanted to surprise my mom for my last pregnancy. The last she knew is we were waiting a little while before we had another baby. She's usually the first person I tell after Sam and the kids. But when I do tell her it's before my first ultrasound and she knows I'm not ready to be too excited. So she does her best to contain her response to just a hug and congratulations. My mom always watches the kids while I go to my first appointment, but for the first time I got one of my close friends to watch the kids while I went so I could really surprise her with an ultrasound picture. As you can see from the picture above it worked. ;) Jane drew her a picture of our new family and I put the ultrasound picture with it. I told Atlas and Jane to try not to ruin the surprise before she opened the letter. They did well and she was pretty shocked. She said, "WHAT? This is a new picture? Oh my goodness!! How have you already been to the doctor??" She was very excited. It was great. My dad was there too and said, "Not another one already!" Haha. It was perfect because I told them right before we left on a trip to San Marcos, so I had the whole car ride to tell them about everything. I also got to tell Scott and Anna about the new baby once we arrived at their house. They were excited and said, "We knew it!" This little baby is going to be about 5 months younger their little baby. Sam got to tell his family in person that same weekend as well. They were happy for us and my sister in law Cerena said she knew it too! I guess other pregnant ladies have that sense! Their newest baby will be 6 months older than baby D #4. So fun to have cousins so close in age.

I used this picture to tell a lot of my close friends.

Right after our trip to San Marcos I started feeling all the regular morning sickness and extreme exhaustion. Oh man, is it tough with three little ones running around. Sometimes I lie on the ground and close my eyes for a bit while they play around me. It's interesting though. I'm feeling a lot like I did with Atlas. (maybe that means it's a boy??) I'm not as nauseous and gaggy, but a lot more tired and just an overall feeling of yuck. It feels like I have to eat constantly and more often than not there is nothing that sounds good to eat. I am so tired of eating... Most of my morning sickness comes on at night right after dinner when I'm the most tired. I fall asleep on the couch often around 9:30pm. I feel the best right when I get up in the morning. I am definitely ready to be done with the pregnancy phase of my life after this one. But it is so worth it!

Social Media announcement!

I decided to do a picture of just the kids in their big brother/sister shirts with them playing Mario Kart 8 for our Facebook announcement. It was perfect. We are completing our video gaming team. :D  Everyone was very excited and happy for us of course. We love our friends.

Now let's get through all the regular questions people ask you when they find out you're pregnant. "Do you want a boy or a girl?" Either one would be fine with me really. I think getting to see a brother relationship would be fun though, so I'm leaning towards boy I guess. Sam would like another girl because he likes how they are more mature. Jane and Atlas are praying for a brother! So it would be really fun for it to be their first answered prayer! But at the same time it would be a perfect time to explain that sometimes God tells us no and it ends up better than what we asked for. Next question is "What do you think it is??" Well as I said earlier I'm really thinking this one is a boy because of the symptoms I described. Also when I pray for the baby I default to male pronouns in my head like he/his and the heart rate has been slower, very boy range! I have guessed right on each baby so far. We'll see if this baby makes me 4 for 4 or totally surprises me. I would be just fine with that, little baby girls are the sweetest! I only have to wait until the middle of July to find out. Just a few more weeks!!

"How about names??" For one it's my turn to have naming rights. ;) I bartered for Jane as my first pick by giving up naming rights for the first boy and the next girl. Plus Sam said he got his two names already so he's good. He can still say no to names he really doesn't like though. The boy name is Sam approved and I'm pretty solid on it. It hasn't changed since we had Xan. Flynn Samuel Daniels. Flynn means "son of the red haired man or reddish". Just too perfect. Samuel means "God has heard" which I've always loved! My girl name I'm not completely sold on yet. Lily Ann Daniels. Lily means "Pure" and Ann means "Graceful". Ann is my middle name as well. I love the name Lily, but it's a popular name right now and all my other names are lower than the 200s in popularity. I also know a few little girls named Lily already and I still don't know any other kids named Jane, Atlas, Alexandria or Flynn. Sam says "Who cares if it's popular if it's what you want." but I can't get over that part of it yet and that's why I'm not sure of it for now. I'm sure of Ann as the middle name though.

A few more details about baby #4 you may be interested in. My due date is December 16th, 2019. I've been early, late and exactly on time. So I am considering the entire month of December my due date. No one else has a birthday that month in the family! Yay! It's refreshing compared to having Alexandria in April when it feels like half the family have birthdays. I've been asking my friends who have kids born in December or have a December birthday themselves to see how they feel about a birthday close to Christmas and it seems like a really mixed bag. Some love it, some are indifferent and some hate it. I'm going to need to try hard to make sure this baby's birthday isn't swallowed up by Christmas and is instead enhanced by it. Some people have told me their family didn't give them birthday presents since it's so close to Christmas and I think that is terrible! I know Christmastime is busy and expensive, but I will not let it keep me from celebrating my child's birth and making it just as special as my other children's birthdays. As far as age difference we're still on the two-ish years trend. Alexandria will be about 20 months older than this one. My closest ones! Only by a little though because Jane and Atlas are 21 months apart and Atlas and Xan are 25 months apart. Jane, Atlas and Xan will be 5, 3 and 1 still when the baby is born. So the span from oldest to youngest will be 5 1/2 years.

12 1/2 weeks

I had my first appointment with Sallie with baby #4 at around 10ish weeks. Everything was good, but man she had trouble finding a heartbeat. I think she worked at finding it for about 20-30 minutes. She switched to headphones on her Doppler and finally found it after a while for just a couple of seconds. I didn't get to hear it though because when she tried to give me the headphones we lost it again. She said she wanted to come back in 2 weeks and try to get a better reading on the heartbeat and make sure I got to hear it the next time. At around 12 1/2 weeks she came back and tried again. We had just about the same amount of trouble as the first time! But once she found it she was able to hold on to it for longer and I was able to hear it through the headphones too. Heart rate was in the 120s or so. In the boy range. ;) She was happy with getting to hear it for a while this time and we went back to appointments every 4 weeks.

Growing baby! 14 1/2 weeks.

Yep, I'm going the home birth route again with this one as long as everything stays low risk and me and baby stay very healthy. Praying for another wonderful home birth like Atlas and Alexandria. This time we're not even going to bother with the birth pool since Xan came so fast. I'm a little concerned about Sallie getting to me in time. Jane was 13 hours, Atlas was 5 hours and Xan was 2 1/2 hours.... If I continue on that trend then I'm in for labor that is only a little over an hour! I'm actually hoping not. It's just too fast. I'm praying for something in between Atlas and Xan. At first Jane said she did not want to be around when the next baby was born. I think it scared her a little with Alexandria. But she has since changed her mind and said she wants to be in the room again! We'll see how this one turns out. I haven't decided if Atlas will stay or need to go to Pappaw's house. I'll just see how mature he is when the time comes. I'll call my friend Lena if I need someone to watch Xan for me. My mom will be my mom-doula once again. It's so wonderful to have such a great group of family and friends around me for support. Friends have already offered to cook meals for us once the baby is born and have asked us what we like to eat. God is so good.

I am celebrating beginning the second trimester now and not having to throw up at all this time around. Also I'm starting to have days where I feel pretty good again. Yay! The best part is that I've been feeling little baby kicks for the last few weeks now! Really trying to soak them up since it's probably my last one. They're not super frequent and I have to be relaxing to notice them, but they are definitely there. <3 Grow, baby, grow! We're so excited to meet you in December!!

Psalm 127:3-5

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,

The fruit of the womb is a reward.

Like arrows in the hand of a warrior,

So are the children of one’s youth.

Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them;

They shall not be ashamed,

But shall speak with their enemies in the gate.