Oh my goodness! There's 6 people in my family! 4 kids in 5 years. 9 months in to 4 kid life and it's still hard to believe. I like to write a post shortly after we add a member to our family to document what it's like and how the new addition changed the family and routines. Well I'm a little late writing this one compared to my previous posts. I wrote the first installment 1 month after Atlas was born. Which you can read by clicking here. Next I wrote my Family of Five post 2 1/2 months after Xan was born. Click here for that one. I'm trying to figure out why it's taken me so long to get around to this post. It's been sitting there as a draft since around January. For one, I've been super behind on my seasonal update blog posts for a while now. I'm trying really hard to catch up. Two, Flynn was not the easy going baby that Atlas and especially that Alexandria was. He was sort of high maintenance, like big sister Jane. Now that he can crawl and pull up on anything He is soooo much happier and very content to entertain himself by exploring the house for a good while nowadays. Also, when I was about to start on this post life got weird. Yes, I'm blaming it on Coronavirus. I kept waiting for life to go back to normal so I could see what "Normal" would look like with 4 kids. Well, I figure this is as normal as it's going to be and I can't keep putting it off. So here I go! Here's my experience so far of Motherhood with 4 kids 6 and under.
First off I'll talk about the adjusting from 3 to 4 kids. I explained at length in my Family of Five post about how I felt 0 to 1 is the hardest, 1 to 2 was second hardest, and 2 to 3 was a breeze in comparison. I had a hunch on why 3 was so easy. Now I know for sure part of the reason 2 to 3 was by far the easiest was because of Xan's disposition. She was an amazing sleeper and such a content baby! Flynn is not a terrible sleeper, but he's no where near Xan's level of great sleeping, so that plays a part. The biggest difference is that for whatever reason Xan was a chill newborn and Flynn is just fussy and higher maintenance. Maybe Xan's chunkiness played a part to her level of chill. Flynn reminds me more of Jane, but I have 3 other kids that I need to attend to and with Jane I only had her to worry about. The good thing about it is I already had an arsenal of mom skills under my belt to help with fussiness of Flynn instead of being completely new at the mom thing like with Jane. Anyway, I still say that the transition to 3 was the smoothest, but adjusting to 4 kids takes 2nd place in the level of ease.
Like I was saying, now that Flynn can crawl, pull up and basically do anything he wants except walk, he is sooo much happier! He still doesn't sleep awesomely, but he loves to explore the house and play with his siblings and the pets. It makes things so much easier on me. I guess he was just mad he couldn't do things on his own. ;) One last observation of adding Flynn to the family, ever since Jane had a fever at two weeks and a 2 day hospital stay, I don't take my newborns in public indoor areas until they are 1 month old and I'm still relatively careful until they are 3 months old. Like I would still avoid fast food playgrounds, the library and anything else that seemed extra germy or heavily populated. Well, the week Flynn turned 3 months is when COVID lockdowns began. So right when I thought I would get back to a completely regular weekly routine, regular life as I knew it disappeared. I kept waiting for it to come back. For a long time it felt like the transition to a family of six was stuck in limbo because I didn't know what "regular" life looked like anymore. Now that Flynn is 9 months, COVID restrictions are still around. But I think I've finally let go of having to have that "regular" life back to feel like the transition is finished. We're a family of 6 and it feels good, no matter what else is going on in the world.
Can you say smothered?? At least one sibling was always wanting hold or touch Flynn the first couple months of his life. Honestly I think it was a little much for him. But man, Jane, Atlas and Xan all love him so much! I do too, so I can't really blame them. He is so cute! Each one of them were completely enamored with him. Xan is just too rough, so I waited a couple weeks to let her hold him. She did really well. She never seemed too jealous of Flynn, but she was sad that she wasn't getting the baby treatment anymore. Her anger was almost never directed toward Flynn about it though. Loving him too hard was the only way she hurt him. Jane and Atlas got to hold him as soon as he was born. Atlas was so gentle and always wanting to hold his hand. I had to make the rule that he couldn't touch him while I was nursing because it was constant. The coolest part is Jane was old enough to be extremely helpful! She could hold him for me while I went to the bathroom. Once his neck was strong enough she could even pick him up and soothe him for a minute while standing. She has always loved being a big sister. It was like her dream was realized to finally get to be a little momma for one of her baby siblings. We've told them that Flynn is the last baby in our family. They all seem pretty content about it because if I ask them if we should have anymore babies they all say no. Before Flynn their answer was always, yes! And they would request another sibling often. So grateful that the whole family is on the same page. <3
Flynn is not the best sleeper but definitely not the worst either. He lands somewhere in between Xan and Atlas I think. (Jane takes the cake for the hardest newborn sleeper) Although Xan is the best nighttime sleeper by far, Flynn naps better than Xan. In fact right around the time Flynn was born Alexandria dropped naps all together. She does sleep until 9am or 10am though. So it's almost like she adds on to her nighttime sleep instead of napping. It works for me! Flynn liked to take lots of short naps when he was itty bitty, but now that Flynn is 9 months old he usually takes two naps. One long and one short. His long nap will be around 1 1/2 to 2 hours and his short one will be about 45 minutes. The hardest part about nighttime sleeping with Flynn is that he's my first baby that doesn't nurse to back to sleep very well. He can sleep 6+ hours at a time in his rock and play and has been doing that for months now but it's not consistent every night. A lot of the time he'll have a fussy moment and won't want to go back to sleep. Thankfully the big 3 are never disturbed by Flynn's fussing and sleep through the night just about every night. Sleep training is on the horizon for Flynn and as much as I'm not looking forward to that process, I am looking forward to the full nights sleep again once we're on the other side!
Adding a new baby into the bedtime mix is always a juggling act. Alexandria and Flynn are both asleep on me in that picture. All the kids are used to me doing bedtime. I love bedtime! Reading books with them before bed is my favorite. I'm sad if I have to miss out on it for some reason. Sam was happy to hang out with Flynn or hold him while he slept when I did bedtime with the big kids. Alexandria was super easy when Flynn was still fresh. She asked to go to bed often. We'd read a couple short books, and she'd drink her milk. I'd rock her for just a minute and she'd point to the crib when she was ready. The big kids are really good at following the bedtime routine of books, songs and prayers then going right to sleep. I'm very grateful no one fights bedtime.(most nights) But the whole process takes an hour. It was hard to keep Flynn happy for that long. He wasn't settled until 11pm most nights when he was a newborn. We made it work though! A few months back we were given a bunk bed and moved Xan into the toddler bed in the big kid room. She LOVED being part of the group. The transition was seamless. It helped bed time take only 30-45 min most of the time. I think around 6 months Flynn started consistently settling for bedtime around 9pm. He's too distracted and needy that late so I have to put him to bed first. That means everyone isn't in bed until 9:30pm. It's definitely later than I would like but it works for us and the kids sleep in until 8am or later.
Fitting in work became quite the challenge. Not getting enough sleep and Flynn being higher maintenance made it impossible to wake up early and get work done before the kids were up like I was doing before Flynn arrived. I somehow found time throughout the day to get everything done, mostly during Flynn's naps. We took a break from Kindergarten for a couple months so I could focus on work for a while. Learning what calmed Flynn was another challenge. He was a pacifier baby for the first couple of months which was nice then he started rejecting the paci and nothing seemed to help. He had fussy moments often where I just had to hold him and it wait out. Eventually I found that Flynn was soothed when I pressed my forehead against his and rocked. It only worked if I was completely at peace. It was like I was transferring my calmness to him. I tried using the carrier but unless I was walking around outside he didn't like it and even then he still cried sometimes. Xan and Atlas both LOVED the carrier, so with Flynn I felt like my hands were tied without being able to use the carrier for everything! He likes the carrier a little more now and he's grown out of his super fussy moments thankfully. Have I mentioned that Flynn learning to crawling has made things so much easier?? Thankfully 4 kids has felt much more manageable lately!
I usually have a bunch of responses from strangers about the size of my family with a new baby around, but since COVID restrictions came down the same week that Flynn turned 3 months old(the age I start venturing out more with a new baby) I really haven't been out very many places with 4 kids. I've only gotten one or two reactions from people when I go for a walk, but we sure get a lot of long stares. Maybe it's corona that keeps most people from approaching me and commenting on having my hands full now. I mean, I'm not mad about it. ;) I didn't really love most of the unsolicited comments from strangers about the size of my family. So thanks corona, I guess. Haha! A few new homeschool mom's I've met at the park this year are impressed that I have 4 young children at the park. All I can say is I've seen many mom's with more kids come to the park and handle it with grace and I've been just as impressed with them as well. I think God has helped me grow to handle more with each child he's blessed us with.
Keeping up with 4 kids at park days is not an easy task though! Many times I think to myself, "Wait... where is *Insert kid name here.*??" "How long has it been since I saw them..." But thankfully it's usually just been a minute or two and they are standing behind a tree. My mom friends help me keep an eye on everyone too. I can turn to one of them and ask have you seen so and so and they can tell me where they are. Since Kinderstars was packed before COVID I would leave Atlas and Xan with my mom and take Jane and Flynn with me. The timing worked with Flynn's nap so he slept in the carrier most of the time. After COVID restrictions we switched to Friday with Jane and Atlas at the same time. Then I left Xan and Flynn with my mom and took the big kids. It worked great for the summer. My daily walks have gotten sort of complicated and not quite daily anymore! It works out the best when Jane agrees to push Flynn and Xan and Atlas ride in the double stroller. Other times Atlas and Jane will both ride bikes or I will have Xan ride on the standing board behind the stroller and push the boys while Jane walks with me. One time recently I wore Flynn and had the big 3 in the stroller. They are so heavy!! I think the biggest new challenge with 4 kids is getting school done with Jane. 9 months in and I'm still figuring out the best way to do it. Atlas can join in a little bit now, but the younger two are very distracting for Jane. I have to keep my mind sharp to keep figuring out ways for them to entertain themselves relatively quietly while I focus on school with Jane.
In my new family member blog posts I usually have a section talking about how we handle grocery shopping. About a year before Flynn was born I stopped going to the store all together. I almost ALWAYS do curbside pickups. They are the best! The only time I got to the store with all 4 kids is for less than 5 items. Since March 2020 I've only been inside a grocery store twice. I love sitting and watching TV and ordering my groceries! It's so much nicer than spending 2 hours in the store and still forgetting items. ;) Look at my van! It's almost full to the brim with kids! I love it. We had to move car seats around a bit and buy a new car seat for Atlas to make room for Flynn. Jane was in the back on her own and when Flynn arrived I moved Atlas back with her. It works great except Jane and Atlas do get on each others nerves sometimes. I used to threaten to move them next to the babies and they would stop fighting right away. They do pretty well most of the time and enjoy sitting next to each other.
Balance is such an elusive thing, but it's the one I am always chasing. Balance between being a friend and also a mom to my kids. (it's possible to be both, my mom was to me!) Balance between work and child rearing. The balance between being a mother and a wife. There are things pulling us mothers in all directions! It's so important to always remind myself of my priorities. Which are glorifying God and growing closer to Him and loving my husband and my kids well. Back in 2018, when we added Alexandria I learned to give myself a whole bunch of grace and remember tomorrow is always a new day to do better and God's mercies are new every morning. I know perfection is something I can never achieve here on earth, but it is my constant goal that I am always running towards. I am not defeated when I fail knowing perfection will always be beyond my grasp. I am encouraged that I can continue improve and grow every day. When we stop growing is the only way we truly fail. God is so good to sustain me and give me strength and wisdom for each day. I read a book called Teaching From Rest recently and I think it should be called parenting from rest! It had so many nuggets of wisdom that applied to all of motherhood. Remembering that the "interruptions" in our day that come from having young children, the messes to clean up, the fights to break up, the chaos to organize, the owies to kiss, etc. are part of our offering to God and are pleasing to him. He uses those little moments to keep perfecting us! I am continuing to learn to count it all joy, even the hard moments.
All that said, the good moments FAR outweigh the bad. Motherhood is the most amazing, wonderful adventure I've ever been apart of. I can't imagine my life any other way. I've always wondered how people knew they were ready to stop having babies. Now I know! It's a very peaceful feeling. I can't exactly describe it, but it feels good. It's been 18 months since we felt that a baby #4 would be our last baby and the confidence in our decision has only grown. In my opinion, we have our quiver full. :) Some friends have asked me how life is with 4 kids because they were considering having another baby. I always tell them just to go for it. You'll know for sure when you're done. I know God could always change our minds if that's His will, but I definitely don't expect that to happen. We would never count out adoption. We are enjoying moving away from the newborn stage of life! Don't get me wrong, that time was absolutely wonderful. I loved it! But having a 6 year old, I know the times ahead are just as wonderful! I'm trying to soak up this precious time of just having little kids. It goes by so fast! I don't wish them any younger or older than they are. Every year is just as special as the last. The thing that amazes me most of all when adding a member to the family is how love grows each and every time. It's almost like I can physically feel my heart grow to make room for me to love that new little human just as much as I love all the other little humans in our family. I really believe that love is the most amazing thing in the world and God's love is very best. I'm blessed to share in it.
Psalm 127:3-5
Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,
The fruit of the womb is a reward.
Like arrows in the hand of a warrior,
So are the children of one’s youth.
Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them;
They shall not be ashamed,
But shall speak with their enemies in the gate.
Lamentations 3:22-23
Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed,
Because His compassions fail not.
They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.
