Our family has grown once again! Alexandria was the perfect addition to make us a family of five. Her easy disposition has made finding our new normal as easy as I could have hoped for. It feels like I just gave birth to her, but at the same time because of her size, being a great sleeper and how well everyone has adjusted to her, it feels like she's been apart of the family for so much longer than 2 1/2 months. It's already hard to remember what life was like before she arrived.
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First picture with all three kiddos
Xan just a few hours old. |
For me the adjustment from 2 to 3 kids has felt the smoothest so far. Going from 0 to 1 was a complete upheaval of life of course. I went from working full time downtown to working part time from home with a baby when I had never changed a diaper in my life. I had wanted to be a mom for a very long time though, so it was a dream come true. It still meant lots and lots of learning and grace for myself as I learned to be a mom during those first few months. When we went from 1 to 2 I felt a fair amount of pressure and guilt from myself because I had to split my time between two kids instead of just being focused on one. I remember feeling a little inadequate at first because I felt like my kids deserved more attention than I could give them. In time, I found that it was good for them to have to entertain themselves some times and learn patience while waiting for me to be available for them. So by the time the transition from 2 to 3 arrived I had learned to give myself a break and do the best I could with my time and attention for each child and their needs. I've learned to still chase perfection, but not be so hard on myself when I don't achieve it in the way I had envisioned. Instead of being upset about what I feel like was failure, I try to learn and grow and be better next time. I know Xan being such an excellent sleeper has really helped me stay in the right frame of mind and not get super overwhelmed by exhaustion. :D
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| Jane's first time holding baby sister |
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| Atlas's first time holding baby sister |
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| Feeding Xan her first bottle |
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| Jane always asks to feed her with the bottle now. |
Because Atlas wasn't too interested when Xan was in my belly and Jane was super loving and interested, I thought it might be similar once she was born. I was wrong. I mean, Jane was just as enamored with her as I expected, but Atlas was obsessed with her too!! From the moment she was born they were both asking to hold her. In fact they would fight over who's turn it was to hold baby sister. I wondered if there would be any jealousy because I have to spend a lot of time with the baby, but I can honestly say there have been no jealous reactions at all. It seems the only emotion they have towards her is love! It's the sweetest. I think that because Atlas and Jane have each other to play they don't feel a big change in attention from me. At first I was having problems figuring out how to break up fights between Atlas and Jane while I was nursing Xan. They were fighting just about as much as normal, but I wasn't able to get over to where they were and calm them down fast enough before things escalated to blows. I've found what works for us is for me to try to sit in whatever room they are playing in while I nurse and be actively involved in what they are doing. I will talk about whatever they are playing with or let them bring me books to read or let them dress me up while I nurse. Fights are much easier to prevent as long as I'm watching what they are doing and I'm able to redirect them before they get too irritated with each other.
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| Sweet napping baby |
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| Everybody watching The Star |
Jane gave up naps about a year ago I think. Atlas gave up naps a couple months before Xan was born. The first month or so Xan would take 3 hour nap in the afternoon which was so great! That was back when she slept only 6 hours straight or less at night. Now she sleeps 7-9 hours straight almost every night in her rock and play, wakes one time to nurse and goes right back to sleep for a total of 12 hours of sleep a night. AMAZING! Her afternoon nap is much shorter now. Normally no longer than an hour and a half. It's still the perfect amount of time for Atlas and Jane to pick a movie to watch so I can either work, clean the house or give myself a little break in the middle of the day. Xan will take about three 30 minute naps throughout the day in addition to her longer afternoon nap.
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| All of them in footie pajamas! <3 |
The first few weeks Xan always seemed a little fussy/unsettled and hungry starting at 8:30 until 11pm or so. It happened to be right at Atlas and Jane's bedtime. Also Atlas was still getting used to having a roommate and thought if Jane was in there with him it was time to play. So we had to stagger bedtime with Atlas going to sleep first. Jane would sit on the couch and watch Peppa Pig or Team Umizoomi with me and Xan while Sam put Atlas to bed. We would wait until Atlas was definitely asleep and then we'd read a book or two and I would help Jane get settled in bed. Xan wouldn't sleep without me at all at night at first, so about 11pm I would go to bed with her. After about a month or so Xan started calming down at night and Atlas was getting used to Jane being in the room with him. So we started a new bedtime routine. I put Alexandria in the bouncer and Atlas and Jane take turn picking out books and we all read books together! Once we're finished with books Atlas and Jane climb into bed, I turn off the light and I sing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and Jesus Loves Me and then we pray together. We finish off with goodnight kisses and hugs. It's normally 9 or 9:15 by the time we're all done. I give Sam the video monitor while I get Xan to bed because Atlas sometimes needs a couple reminders to go to sleep, not too bad though. Alexandria just needs a little nursing in the glider with me and she gets really drowsy. She'll either fall asleep in my arms right then or she'll put herself to sleep in the rock and play around 9:30 to 10pm. A lot of time she'll sleep all the way until 6am. I'll nurse her for about 5 minutes and she goes right back to sleep until about 9am! She's so impressive. Jane wakes up around 7:30 and Atlas at 8 or 8:30.
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| Pacifier baby! |
Since Atlas and Jane no longer nap, I have to make sure I work while Xan is sleeping. Most days I wake up around 7:30am and let Atlas and Jane watch a show while they wake up and I work until 9am or until Xan wakes up, whichever comes first. Most of the time I can get all my work done in that 1 1/2 hours. If I don't, I can finish up while Xan takes her afternoon nap. On days that I don't have to work I sleep in as long as the kids will let me. ;) It's very helpful that Alexandria is a pacifier baby. My first one actually! You can see the amused look on my face in the picture above because I was impressed by how quickly she took to the pacifier. Jane is a thumb girl and Atlas didn't need anything. A lot of the time I will bounce her in the bouncer and she is sucks on her wubbanub while I cook or eat a meal. She really enjoys her activity mat too. So sometimes she'll entertain herself for a small amount of time while I get something done. If the mat or bouncer don't calm her then the carrier has never let me down. It's my last resort though because she's so heavy already! ;)
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| Three across in my Grand Prix! |
The other day I was asked for the first time, "Are they all yours??" It felt like I had gained a mom badge of honor! Maybe it's because I grew up around a bunch of big home school families, but I don't think of 3 kids being "a lot" of kids. I mean it's busy and challenging, but I don't think of a family having a lot of kids until they get to 4 or 5. I think it's because my kids are little stair steps that brings more attention to them, all around 2 years apart. Each time I go out with all three I think I get at least 2 people that say a variation of "You've got your hands full!" and I only seem to get out a "Yep." in response. I try to remember to make a positive rebuttal. Like it's worth it or I wouldn't have it any other way or yes, and so is my heart! Because every time I hear someone say something like that I hear, "Look at the burden you have put on yourself". So I want them to know my children are a blessing to me not a burden! I chose this life joyfully! Sure, there are hard days and it is a lot of work, but it is the most important and wonderful job I could ever do to raise my three beautiful children.
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| Splash Pad! |
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| 4 weeks old! |
I definitely started going places and getting back into our routine sooner after giving birth this time. Maybe it's because I had a routine to get back into now. Because with Jane it went from the no kid life to having a kid and when Atlas arrived Jane wasn't even 2 yet, so we didn't have very many things we did on a regular basis. This time we have park day and gymnastics every week. We try to do one other special thing each week and of course we always have to go grocery shopping. She fits in to all our activities pretty perfectly!
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| Xan slept through her first story time |
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| The library is back! :D |
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| They love park day! |
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| Getting a break from the carrier while we ate lunch |
On park days I wear Xan while brother and sister play. If I have to feed her I can ask one of the park mom's to help me keep an eye on the older two for a few minutes. Just a couple more months and she can try out the baby swing! If we go to the splash pad she's content in her car seat or on the ground for a while and then we'll go cool off in the splash pad together. :) At gymnastics as long as I feed her before we leave she normally takes a nap in the carrier and is content the whole time. I keep Atlas entertained with snacks, books and cars while we watch Jane. Walks around the neighborhood have changed quite a bit since early 2017. I've added a dog and a child since then. If Jane is up for it she'll ride her bike and Atlas and Xan will ride in the stroller while I walk Cambria. If Jane is too tired then she'll ride and I'll put Xan in the carrier. Either way works for me! It's been so hot lately that we've been waiting until Sam is home and we'll all go together after dinner. I love those family walks! :)
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| Grocery store with three, 3 and under. |
The grocery store is such a wild card. It can either be great and everybody enjoys themselves or a disaster with screaming, fighting kids. I try to encourage Jane to push her own little cart at HEB, that way I can separate Atlas and Jane and everybody stays happy. Lately she says she's too tired and wants to ride in the cart with Atlas. I either wear Xan or let her hang out in her shopping cart hammock. She's been a dream at the store so far. The older ones fighting is my biggest store challenge right now. If it's a good store trip I feel energized afterwards, but if it's a rough trip I feel drained. My mother-in-law gifted me a year subscription to Shipt! :D So if I don't feel like chancing the moods that day or someone is sick or the weather is bad I can get it delivered for free if it's over $35!! Thank you Sandra! I just have to get better at remembering everything I need to order it online. I mean I take a list to the store, but normally just a little less than half my basket are things I forgot I needed until I start walking the store. Haha! I'll get the hang of it eventually. I'm sure I'll still end up going to the store every other week at least though. ;)
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| My girls! |
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| My boy! |
Each time our family grows my eyes are opened even more to how important balance is and how elusive it can seem to be. There are a few areas that I struggle with balancing daily. For instance, the balance of letting my kids be little, make mistakes and express their frustrations, but also requiring obedience and enforcing responsibility and consequences. Then there is finding the balance between spending quality time with the kids, making sure I get my work done, my house stays in reasonable order and finding a little time to myself in order to keep my sanity. Everything is harder and feels out of place when we are in a state of imbalance. The only way I can correct myself is to slow down for a minute and pray. As I pray and reflect, I ask God to show me what needs to change and how to practically make those necessary changes to bring us back into balance. He's my rock. When things start to feel a little shaky, all it takes is focusing on Him and asking for his help and everything begins to steady itself again.
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| The impossible photo with all the kids looking. Grumpy Atlas |
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| Now he's trying to escape. Yep he's two. |
I was reading Proverbs recently and a verse stuck out to me because of what I had experienced that day. It was Proverbs 20:30 "Blows that hurt cleanse away evil, As do stripes the inner depths of the heart." When I read it I didn't take it in a physical way, but an emotional way. I'll do my best to explain. Every so often I have an especially difficult mom day. It seems to come when I let my selfishness build up over time or I get used to a routine that works and when I need to change the routine to my ever changing children I get my feathers all ruffled and I try to push the old routine instead of going with the flow and finding a new, better way. I think I need one of those days sometimes to get knocked down so I learn and grow from it. Because for me, when I have a rough day it feels like a "blow" to my heart. Like I'm not a good mom or I'm doing everything wrong or I'm just inadequate. If I respond the right way, I don't listen to those harsh words from myself and let the rough day cleanse me instead. To let it make me see that I can still be better and not to wallow in complacency. It makes me rely on God more and less on myself and when I do that it means less of me and more of Him. If that's not cleansing away evil then I don't know what is. It always seems like I have a great day right after the really tough one. To me that's proof that the hard day was indeed necessary in order to bring about better days.
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| My crazies! |
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| Atlas's face cracks me up! |
I ask God to help me see past the moment. Past the moment of disobedience, misbehavior, bad moods, fighting and crying. For Him to help me remember to never allow their behavior dictate my response or let their mood effect my own. To know that a moment of irritation and chaos is not forever. I know I will regret a harsh reaction after that moment has past. Staying calm and being proactive instead of reactive is huge is to producing joyful days. I fail a lot, but I never stop trying and praying. Motherhood is a constant challenge, but always worth it. I am always learning, continually being refined.
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| Baby girl clothes are the best! |
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| Enjoying the pool! |
It's amazing to feel your heart swell as you look at your newest child. It's almost as if you can physically feel love grow inside you as you make room for another member inside your heart. I was reading Jane's baby journal the other day and I had wrote that Sam and I had talked about how we couldn't imagine loving another child as much as Jane. It is more and more evident to me that as you add members to your family the love you already had doesn't have to be taken from the previous members and shared with the new. Love GROWS! There is more love inside of you to give than there was before. My love for Alexandria is new and different from the love I have for Jane and Atlas, but it is just as strong and intense. With every child we are blessed with, I increase in my understanding of God and His love for us. He is so good to us. We are grateful to Him everyday for our three beautiful children.
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| My third little miracle |
Psalm 127:3-5
Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,
The fruit of the womb is a reward.
Like arrows in the hand of a warrior,
So are the children of one’s youth.
Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them;
They shall not be ashamed,
But shall speak with their enemies in the gate.
Ecclesiastes 4:12
Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him.
And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.
