Family of 7!

Family of 7?? Is that really the number used to describe my family? Truly, it still doesn’t feel real some days. I didn’t have 5 kids as a number in my head when I would consider the size of our family early on in our marriage, but I don’t think I had any specific number at all really. If I remember correctly, Sam and I had settled on taking it one by one and wanted to have more than 2 if possible. By the time we got to 4 kids, I was very happy with that number and thought that was all for us. Of course God knew best and decided to give us another precious baby. So here we are with 5 amazing kiddos and I wouldn’t have it any other way. After Piper was born, we made the permanent decision and scheduled the subsequent surgery to stay a family of 7. That said, God is sovereign and can still make miracles happen and I will never say never about our family size. It’s not all up to me. Also if God so chooses to lead our family down the road to adoption one day I will do my best to follow Him. So yes, we are a family of 7 and we plan to continue to be, but as the Bible verse states “a man plans his way but the Lord directs his steps.”

I usually try to write this post pretty soon after adding a new member to our family(like within the first few months) to list the biggest changes or the new dynamic that our newest member of the family brings. That said, because I am always fighting to keep my to do list from drowning me, I have been super duper behind on my blog for a long time now. Accordingly, Piper has now been apart of our family for over 2 years and I have just now started writing this post. I do have some old notes in here from the first year that will help me remember that time somewhat, but for the most part I’ll share what our life is like in the here and now. 

In previous "Family of…" posts, I compare the difficulty level of transition of going from our previous number of kids to our current number of kids. I have mentioned in other posts that 0 to 1 kid was the hardest, then 1 to 2 was easier, but not as easy as going from 2 to 3. A huge part of that 2 to 3 ease was due to Xan being my easiest baby by far. 3 to 4 was pretty tough because I had a good amount of kids by then and Flynn was a higher maintenance baby, but still probably easier than the first two transitions. I think going from 4 to 5 was very similar to 3 to 4, with two big differences. Firstly, the first few weeks of Piper was very smooth. The smoothest of any transition so far! My mom helped me out a lot with the other 4 kids and I made a ton of Freezer meals for myself. Piper reminded me more of Xan in that first month than anyone. Plus it was still summer time and we weren’t concerned with school for that first month. Then we did start school and Piper stopped seeming so much like Xan and started seeming a lot more like Jane! I was definitely very overwhelmed. Secondly, It was the first time having a newborn and having a kid doing school older than Kindergarten. It took us a while to find our groove. But we did it eventually! During one of my most overwhelming days I yelled at the kids louder than I ever had, sent them all to their rooms and then cried a literal puddle. (It was very small puddle, but it was a puddle nonetheless) Not my finest moment. All the kids came back to the dining/school table slowly and we all apologized and moved on. I’m going to just have to believe that it’s healthy for them to know it’s ok to not be ok sometimes. Not even mom always picks the right reaction. Ask for forgiveness. Make the change and move past it! As difficult as each transition has been I do believe it has made me a better person each time. The way motherhood helps sanctify me is unlike anything else I’ve experienced. In a nut shell, going from 4 to 5 was easier than 3 to 4 at the beginning and then harder once school was thrown back in the mix. That’s why I call it even.

Piper’s Temperament, which I briefly mentioned in the paragraph before, was very chill her first month or so. Especially the first 2 weeks, then she sort of woke up to the world around her more and more each month she grew older. I would say she was a cross between both girls temperament before she could move. Very personable and smiley like Xan, but then always wanted to stand and keep her eyes open like Jane. Once she got moving she was hard to stop!! She was such a happy girl until I told her she couldn’t do something: draw on everything with markers, eat glue or sit on the table, the list goes on. So yes, once she could move she probably reminded me the most of Flynn! Happy and independent exploring until someone gets in the way of their exploration. When that happens the tantrums start. That’s part of the reason I gave in to some things with Piper that I would have never done with the others. I ended up letting her sit on the kitchen table and draw with markers because it was the only way we could get school done without screaming. I felt validated in this decision when my grandma told me a story about my aunt wanting so badly to sit on the table as a toddler and my grandma being very determined not to let her. She told me she looks back and thinks now, "I should have just let her sit on the table. There would have been a lot less fighting." I am happy to report that at age 2 Piper no longer sits on the kitchen table and will sit happily in her own chair. It was worth it!

Another aspect of adding a baby to the family is how it affects our activities! Park day with 5 kids is just about the same as with 4 except with one more to count. When I was still nursing Piper, I enlisted some help from my trusted park moms to help me keep eyes on Flynn and it worked out great. I also wore Piper a lot! Discovery crew co-op was able to continue as usual as well because I had the support of the other moms to hold Piper when it was my turn to lead. My mom was able to pick the kids up from Super Friday while we were participating which made it so much easier to handle since I only had to drop them off. If I did have to pick them up it would mess with Piper’s nap or she would scream the whole time. So grateful for my mom’s help. Now that I’m doing Brains and Brawn club my mom takes care of the younger two, sometimes three for me during that time. I wouldn’t be able to do it without her! I have used her help with many other activities that would have been much harder to do with 5 of them or just wasn’t something easy to do with kids younger than 6 years old. I know how blessed I am to have such amazing help! When Piper wasn’t walking yet, I would take her with me to Mom’s Night Out and she did so well! Once Piper got busy and wasn't willing to sit for long, I started leaving the girls with my mom and the boys with Sam. Now Sam does great taking care of all 5 on his own. Although he doesn’t offer to watch all of them much. Haha! It’s a lot, especially since they all want me. Neighborhood walks with 5 have gotten harder and don’t happen nearly as often. Half of it is that it’s harder to keep them all close and out of the way of cars and the other side is that the older 3 would rather stay home and I’m not ready to leave them home. I have changed my workout to the backyard and I do track drills! I also try to do some stretching and core work outs when everyone is in bed. I just still haven’t gotten back to being as consistent as I would like yet, but I’m working on it! My grocery routine hasn’t changed much, but I am even less likely to go inside the store now than ever. I ONLY do curbside groceries unless we are getting 5 items or less and even then I will ask Sam to go by the store for an item or two on the way home to avoid going in the store with all of them. With Piper we have a VAN FULL! When Sam’s not with us we have one extra seat for a friend or grandparent. So grateful for my van! The two biggest things that took a hit with adding our 5th was 1. my own hobbies. I don’t draw except for birthday cards at this time. I don’t blog as much as I’d like and it has been harder to find time for walks and working out. But I know they won’t be little forever and I will get more time for hobbies eventually. I know time invested in them is precious and worth it. The 2nd hit was with 5 kids I realized that I stopped being able to support relationships that relied solely on me to keep it going. My time is limited and I don't have the capacity to keep up if I don't have someone keeping up with me too. So if you’re reading this and I’ve seemed distant in the last 2 years it’s not because I want to be distant it’s because my brain is full and my time is jam packed with kids needs. Send me a text or a message, I’d love to hear from you! <3

SO MUCH PIPER LOVE. Even before Piper was born the 3 older kiddos were absolutely in love with her. Always hugging my belly. Once she was born the love only grew!! Always huddled around her and asking to hold her. Oooing and awing over how cute and sweet she was! There was no jealousy or discontent at all. With Flynn, there was some growing pains to adjusting to having a little sister instead of being the youngest. He never seemed mad at Piper or jealous of her, but he became louder and easier to upset about most things. I think because I had treated him like the last born for the longest, the attention swing was big when Piper entered the family and that was really hard for Flynn. We have adjusted and Flynn loves Piper, but he still doesn’t want her playing with his toys. ;) Shortly after Piper was born, I asked the kids if they were content with the amount of siblings they had and the consensus was a resounding yes! Thank goodness! Because I sure felt the same way. It's 2 years later and everyone is still very happy with the size of our family. 

Piper was a super night owl! Staying up until 12am most nights until she was around 9-10 months or so? I remember starting to let the older two kids stay up and entertain her for me so I could get a little time to do something I wanted to do to recharge for the next day. I played a lot of Zelda on those nights. Piper was a fair sleeper. Not great, but definitely not bad. She and Atlas remind me the most of each other about their sleeping habits. Both night owls and both slept moderately well at night. 3-4 hour stretches most nights only waking up once or twice a night in the first year after the first month or two. The bedtime routine the first year of having 5 kids was a juggling act. Especially because Piper wouldn’t really go to sleep until late, but we got it done and everyone did sleep pretty well. Once Piper was sleep trained I would take her to bed first and after about 30 minutes of books and me walking her around her room, she was ready to sleep! With the big kids we used to do picture books at bed time, but everyone kept fighting over my lap and who was close to me. So we switched to chapter book read alouds at bed time with everyone in their own bed and it worked so much better for us! Xan and Flynn could fall asleep to the sound of me reading and the big kids could really enjoy the story without interruptions. I started really looking forward to our bed time read alouds and still do!

Right before Piper was born, I switched job priorities. I had been working for my current Oil and Gas company for almost 2 years already about 2 hours a day and had started working for my brother at the beginning of 2022 for about maybe 30 extra minutes a day. Well, my Oil and Gas job was going to be hard to work with a little baby because I sometimes had to wait on other people to start my work and some weeks I had less work and others I had much more. I knew with having 5 kids I would need more flexibility for myself and consistency in the work available. Scott offered that flexibility and stability! I could work whenever was convenient for me and didn't have to wait on anyone. So I switched from working 2 hours a day for the Oil and Gas company to working 2 hours for Scott at Rundle. It was the perfect solution. My brother is the best boss! I still have an amazing boss at my Oil and Gas company that allowed me to reduce my hours and still work for them too! I work only 15 to 30 minutes for them on a normal day. The first 4 days of the month I work 2-3 hours. So my work load on those day is very heavy. 4 to 5 hours. I made it work with Piper's nice naps and reducing our homeschooling load on those day as well. But when Piper stopped napping as much when she turned 1, I started stressing and dreading those few day a month. The solution was Jane working for me! She became my babysitter between the hours of 8am-12pm on the first 4 days of the month. She makes $10 a day and she is very happy with her extra cash! Piper loves Jane and is happy with the extra attention from her. It's been almost a year now since Jane started this responsibility and it's still working well! 

I've talked about school a bit already, but people often ask me how I do school with 5 kids and so many different ages. Well the answer is by God's grace and strength! At least that's how we survive and even thrive day to day. The logistical answer is that I only school 3 so far (I don't even know what 5 will look like but I'm trusting God will show me the way!) and we do NOT have a rigorous schedule. I don't do grades and we combine as many subjects as possible. We follow a school schedule that I create on excel, but if it doesn't work out for us to get to a subject, we skip it that day and I don't stress about it. I strictly protect our activity/event schedule to keep from being overcommitted and to keep me from getting burned out from taking people from place to place all day. I also am very protective of our evenings and family dinners. I follow a rule that every extra activity starts as a No, and I have to be convinced it will be beneficial to our family and not take away from school at home and family connection to become a yes. We start school around 10:30am usually and it really depends on if we have another event that day and how focused/motivated they are on how fast we get it done. Some days we are done by 2pm other days we're not done until 4pm. I do Bible, history, science, social studies, our read aloud, cultures/geography and vocabulary all together with my now 1st, 3rd and 5th graders. (not all on one day do we do all of these things, some subjects are on a one day off one day on schedule) On their own they do Math, Grammar/writing, their personal reading, typing, spelling, penmanship and Explode the Code. I take the wisdom filled guidance of Sarah Mackenzie and try to focus on "Doing" and not "getting done". I also try not to fall prey to the stress of feeling "behind". I try to think of what I learned in school and what was important and helpful for my life and focus on those things. It's ok if we're still working on last year's math book.(which it always seems like we are) Andrew Pudewa from IEW won't ask you what grade the student is in if you ask for advice, instead he will ask where they are in their writing skills and where they should be next. Once he knows those two things, he can give you steps to see growth in the coming months. I try to think that way too. Instead of thinking, "Are we getting through all the pages?" I try to think, "Am I seeing growth in them academically and are we having at least a moderately good time doing it?" If the answer is yes, then we continue on! If the answer is no then I will try to start narrowing down what it is we need to change. I LOVE talking about homeschooling. If you ever want to know more about our homeschooling journey please ask me! :D I might have to expand on our day to day homeschooling life in another post.

I would consider the size of our family as a midrange-big family. Because people with 3 or more kids than me don’t really consider my family very big. But we’re still a bigger family than the average American family. Most of the time when I meet someone and I start listing the names and ages of my kids, they are surprised when I keep listing names after the third name. Of course this is only the case when they themselves have less than 5. ;) So the word "big" is definitely relative. I would say the vast majority does consider our family big. I still get, “You’ve got your hands full!” comments. I have also gotten some stares and head shakes. Thankfully, more than the negative comments I get the sweet ones. “You have such a beautiful family!”, “You’re doing great!”, “I remember when mine were that old! It’s a precious and hard time, you’re going to make it!”. Those comments are the best! Those kinds of comments are such a lovely pick me up in my day to day life. I was called a seasoned mom for the first time in my life just a few months ago. So I guess having 5 kids and your oldest being at least 10 years old grants you seasoned mom status? Haha! Maybe not exactly that, I’ll take it though! I hope it means I truly have gained some wisdom over the last decade!

Here are a few things I have learned through my motherhood journey. Focus on balance not perfection. Rely on God through it all! Accept help from others. God isn’t expecting you to do motherhood alone. I used to say no when someone would ask to help me, but since having 5 kids I almost NEVER reject help anymore! It makes a difference! Here’s another RAR(read aloud revival) podcast gem for you that I always try to remember. When talking about being a mother: Having problems is not the problem, it's the work of motherhood. It’s not the fun part, but it’s still an important part and everyone has problems to fix in their everyday lives parenting their kids. You’re not doing a bad job of parenting if you have problems to figure out, you are doing the work! Realizing having "problems" didn't make me bad mom was really freeing and alleviated a lot of stress I was carrying. I listened to a good amount of great audiobooks and podcasts that gave me lots of encouragement to continue on my motherhood journey. If you want a rec, ask me sometime! This tip came from the book Take Back Your family. Highly recommend! The author encourages parents as the coaches of your family to work on something or add something new for a week, then look back the week at the end figure out what worked and what didn't. Then tweak as needed and try again the next week! Rinse and repeat. That helped me to find the little things to make our weekly schedule run smoother and not be so overwhelmed with trying to “fix” everything at once. It made everything feel a little less insurmountable. 

 

One thing I’m always working on tweaking/crafting each week to improve upon is Family nights and a Sabbath day. On Saturday evening it feels like sabbath begins because I stop my to do list, we have take out for dinner and do something fun as a family afterward instead of cleaning up the kitchen and house. We rotate between, board games/charades night, movie night and video game night. I love it! On Sunday we take it really slow and get up late and go to my parents for a late lunch. I go out to eat with my dad and which ever older kids want to come while my mom stays with the little ones. We go back to my parents afterwards to swim in the summer months and maybe do a fire pit fire in the cooler months. It’s great family time. We end the sabbath day with ice cream for dinner on Sunday. 

With each child added to our family, time has felt like it started going even faster than the last time our family grew. With 5, I feel like we are moving at warp speed. I wake up and it feels like a couple hours goes by and it’s time to get them ready for bed! Every moment is filled to the brim. Each day I feel so blessed by the 5 children I have been given to raise and love. But at the same time, I feel a little inadequate to give them what they need with the waking hours of the day. The good news is I don’t have to be enough. To quote Sarah Mackenzie (Yes, I'm a big fan! I have been told a few times that I should start a homeschooling podcast, but I tell them almost everything I would say is what Sarah Mackenzie says on the RAR podcast, so there’s really no need for me to do one!) All I am asked to do is to bring what I have and God will make it enough! I am not in control of how my kids turn out, as much as I wish I was!! So I will continue to give my best and let God take care of the miracle of their growth. Thankfully God has them in his hands always. I am so overwhelmingly grateful for the family God has blessed me with. <3

Can't leave out our sweet pets!

Colossians 3:12-17

Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Psalm 133:1

Behold, how good and pleasant it is

    when brothers dwell in unity!